As a recovering food restrictor and exercise bulimic, these last few days have been trying. My cabinets and freezer are stocked for the next ten days. My running shoes have become my date of choice, as I have been joining me for fresh air. The idea of food and my next meal, always on my mind. I have never had this much food readily available since living in college dorms.
Fears are irrational, and mine don’t fall short. First, I fear keeping more than 3 days of food in my house under normal circumstances. Second, I have no snacks because then comes my other fear of binge eating.
Finding a balance between eating, not eating too much and healthfully replenishing essential fuel my body needs, has not been easy. I have noticed myself making excuses if I don’t want to finish eating something I have made. I tell myself, “I will eat it later. That way it is two meals, instead of one.” I rationalize my thoughts by deducing I will have more food in the long run.
This is not a healthy relationship with food. This is not a healthy relationship with thyself. I know I am not the only one feeling this way. You are not alone. Take it one meal at a time. That’s all you can do.
Thank you Rachel, for your story! “Inside Our Time” digital series:
